Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
