So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
