end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
