He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
