Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
