btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Define "chronic" masturbator.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
