check it out our google latitudes are spooning
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
