life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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