im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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