I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?