Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
