He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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