Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
