Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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