This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
