God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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