the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still dying that you shit outside
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize