i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
