At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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