There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
