i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
