Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I am one with the molecules
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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