Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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