just come out here and I will go home with you...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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