you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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