I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
