I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
