Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
someone owes me an orgasm
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
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