If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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