you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
