mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize