so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize