yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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