how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
