Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
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I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
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Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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