I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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