We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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