he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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