A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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