Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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