I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
being pregnant is like rehab
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
