i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
All the doctor said was why
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
