Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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