There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
