matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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