kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
