Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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