That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
