If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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