I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
