my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
