He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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