Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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