She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
