Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
